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understanding changes

I'm a very type A personality. Wanting to do well; expecting to do well; expecting to do it all. And then I sometimes forget I've got MS. And then it raises its' ugly head. Which it did Monday, August 17, 2009. Oh, and wait, I've had this disease since July, 1983. You'd think I'd get used to it by now. But that's the problem. You get use to one set of changes, losses, and grief issues, and then more come your way. And not just in a day, a month, or a year. It might be several years. So, you've kinda gotten use to what you have, how to manuever, re-evaluated your dreams, and put them in motion....and then BAM...life changes again. Monday was very scary to me. I'd had some issues with my legs since last Friday, but they seemed to disappear Sunday and we had a great day. Monday, went to work, did my puttering around before 8:00 o'clock and then set in for the day. I love my job. Did you know that? I love Hospice of San Angelo. I love the people I work with. I love what we do. I love the purpose. I love that I'm back in school finishing my degree to be a social worker. And not just any social worker. A social worker with Hospice of San Angelo. Is that just not the coolest? ok, sorry, I digress. Back to Monday. At exactly 11:45 I had a fog come over me. It was almost an out of body experience. I had a cloud right in front of my eyes. I was typing on the computer (and no, I had not been typing very long, so it was not a "case of being in front of the computer too long) and I was having trouble seeing the letters. The phone was going crazy, which I'm very good at handling, but I was feeling confused. BUT MOST OF ALL, the fatigue that had enveloped me, became frightful. I could not shut my eyes for fear that I would die. I actually felt that. SOOO, David called the office; I told him to come get me. I was scared and didn't know what was going on. He told me he was on his way...I ended up calling Dr. N, the neurologist; won't even go there...it's too crazy and just makes me mad. By the time I got home, I was in full fledge hysteria. Pammie happend to call at that exact time. I scared to wazoooo out her. Went on to see my fabulous primary doctor, Dr. L,, who said full blown exacerbation with a full blown panic attack. Ok. Well, now that made sense. My life has been and is so great, I was not going to accept having my legs weak, not working, or any of the ms symptoms. But I'm not in charge of the lesions that are growing in my brain. With all of that said. I have made an appointment with my WONDERFUL neurologist in Dallas, tomorrow at 1:00!!!!! Can't tell you the happiest, relief, and anticipation I feel. Life is good. Will putter around today to get ready to leave at 5:00 am in the morning; hopefully in up at Pam's and Jim's house early enough to settle for a moment before we head to the doctor. I'm hopeful, whatever the outcome. Praise our precious Jesus Christ. Praise my sweet family, my sweet friends, my fabulous job. I ask for continued prayers and thank each of you for your love. Love, Katie

NOPE

Nope, that didn't work...will try again later!

FIGURED IT OUT!!

Okay, I THINK I figured out how to show the blog sites that I love and follow! When I say bring the rain, and boomama, I think you can just click on them and they will work....let's see!

Figuring It All Out

With the new year, I'm still in the mode to figure it all out. My quite time, my family time, my school time, MY WORK TIME, and in the mean time....not go crazy. What is really helping me are the great blogs that I've been reading. Now, if you have followed my blog at all, you know that I don't know what the heck I'm doing, so that I cannot not actually SHOW you the sites I've been reading. But they are "bring the rain", and "big mama!". what great sites. I love them; they are funny, real life, and thought provoking. Certainly some soul searching is in there also. With school starting, my friends, I'm in a bit of a rush. Between making sure I'm doing my PAID job, and going to school, and GETTTING IT, life is a struggle. Pray for me on this adventure. Hopefully, I can get much better at this and get some feed back. Blessings dear friends, katie

"Stuff"

It's crazy that in this week of the hectic schedules and all the "doings" for whatever part of my life, the week seems to be dragging. It could be that all that I'm doing is just "stuff". Isn't that the way it seems?...so much to do, so much that "has" to be done, is just stuff! But, clearly, the "stuff" has to be done. It is just the very early in the morning that I can find some comfort in what all is around me. The season, the sites, the decorations, but mainly the people in my life. I appreciate them all, love them all, and am thankful for them all. David and I are trying to figure out if we're done with all of our shopping! That part of my life needs to get organized, too. I think we have everything ready, but who knows! You wake up Christmas morning and realize you had one more gift to buy...BUT, it's too late. And guess what? Know one even knows it but you! We carry too much guilt around; no one else is blaming, just us! Blessings to all this morning, Katie

picture

okay, let's see if I can download this picture of the kids

I DID IT!! Don't know if I can do it again! But, yeah...you gotta love these kids!